14 March 2007

everyone always misses

i honestly think and write about more than just work, but when i've been there for nights on end, that tends to be what comes out of my noggin. that's actually a big problem for me. when you are always at one particular place, you begin thinking that that's how the whole world functions. when i went to christian college, my mindset was inside that bubble (it wasn't a bad place... even though they kicked me out). i simply thought that FCC was a microcosm of the rest of the world... then i lived in the world and changed my mind.

the problem with being at the hospital so much, or any place for that matter, is it becomes your reality. you tend to start thinking that everything functions by the laws and workings of whatever structure you're surrounded by. this is where my job gets to me. don't get me wrong, i love my job, i just hate getting in that mind trap. i don't want my whole world to be about filling out forms properly (something i don't do very well), nursing documentation, and making patient's and family members happy.

last night the second floor called down and asked if anyone could come up to the floor and try and start an IV on a patient with bad veins. i always love a challenge and the nurse that called down doesn't particular care for me, so i decided to go and give it a shot (no pun). i figured that if i was willing to come start her patient's IV, then she would see that i'm not really a bad guy. i'm just not a pushover like my personality leads me on to be.

when i got to the floor, she seemed surprised that i came up, but she expressed her gratitude and told me that this patient was 'a really hard stick' and i should start praying. i told her i did that on my way up. she looked suprised a second time (note to self: investigate why people are suprised when they find out i'm a christian.) i went into the patient's room and sat at her side and began to talk to her. i figured it'd make her more relaxed and i could tell she was anxious. she told me about her illness and how it was really trying her patience and fortitude. then i asked what she did for fun when she wasn't causing problems for nurses. she chuckled and told me that she and her husband liked camping. she said that they sold everything they had about 10 years ago and traveled by RV around the states. she said that it was the best decision she ever made.
i agreed with her and, without getting into much detail, i told her that i had recently simplified on a much smaller scale. i said it felt good to not be so bound. i told her about my upcoming trip to kenya and my reasons for going. then she gave me the biggest complement i'd ever received: "you seem like you have God in you."

with that, i placed the tourniquet on her arm and picked a vein. she told me that everyone always misses and it always hurts bad when they do. i told her that i'm not everyone (and prayed one more time), and started her IV. as soon as i was in the vein, she began crying.

"i'm sorry," i said. "i tried to be careful."

"i'm not crying because it hurt. i'm crying because He answered my prayer. i didn't even feel you start the IV and what's more, He sent one of his precious people to do it for me."

she kept crying tears of happiness and i was left wondering: who am i to be the person that answered this lady's prayer? i'd become despondent over the last few days at work because it had been so busy and i had not made that many people happy (if you can't tell by now, i'm a people pleaser at heart.) i'd begun feeling overwhelmed and, in an instant, she changed all that.

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